Troubled heart

“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say?..."

John 12:27

       As the seasons pass from summer into fall, the days are getting shorter and cooler. I have spent the last 5 months recovering from a circumstance I did not expect.  One in which I was profoundly hurt and troubled by as there seemed to not be a suitable answer as to why.  But now, five months later, I have decided it is time to leave it behind and move forward.  God has brought me to this place and I rest my troubled soul in Him.  He has sustained me when I have been so low I was not sure I could find my way.  He has walked beside me in this time as no one else could.  Psalm 25:1 tells me "to thee, O Lord, I lift up my soul, O my God, in thee I trust, let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me".  So I stand firmly beside Him trusting He will lead me to the next season. 

        I have no idea what the next season will bring.  I trust the Lord to show me where He wants me to go this time.  I believe that He wants me to be securely ensconced in Him before I begin anew.  It is time to rest in Him until He chooses to reveal to me what is next.  For someone who has worked 50 plus hours a week for over 20 years, it is hard to sit back and rest.  I feel that I should be doing something.  I feel that I need to take matters into my own hands because that's what the world expects me to do.  But, I know that I need this time to heal and rest in Him.  It is ok to rest in Him.  It is ok to sit back and regroup from all the missed days of my life.  I didn't realize how much I missed while I was working.  I didn't see or have time to enjoy the beauty of the sunrise.  Now I can and do.  I didn't have time to visit with my parents and now that they are older I have time.   I didn't get to see my grandchildren participate in school projects because I was at work.  Now I can.  So if this forced time away from working is for those things then I can call myself blessed.  My attitude has changed from one of bitterness and hurt to gratitude.  Gratitude that I can spend time with my family and not have to do work.  Gratitude that I can read a book and not feel that I should be grading papers.  Gratitude that I can spend time with the Lord as I walk in the morning and not be rushing out the door and up the road to a job.  There are days when it is easy and there are days when it is hard.  But the hard days are fewer.  I want to be able to know in my soul that I have "walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering." (Ps. 26:1) . I can rest that "it is well with my soul".

"He refreshes my soul. He guides me along

 the right paths for his name’s sake."

Psalm 23:3

Glorious Days

"For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside"

Psalm 84:10

     Summer continues to linger here in Ohio.  As October begins, the heat continues into record-breaking, historical, hasn't happened ever days.  The sky is blue, there is no humidity but it is hot and dry.  As the sun rises this day, you can feel the heat it promises.  The grass is brown.  The trees are dropping leaves without the beautiful colors and everything just looks tired and thirsty.  But in this one can still see "how lovely are Thy dwelling places" (Ps 84:1).    The blue of the sky is brilliant.  The trees that have begun to change colors stand out against it, shouting out "how lovely are Thy dwelling places".  

     In this place, my soul has felt like the crackling of the brown grass and the parched soil longing for a drink. I long for a cool breeze to sweep over me and bring comfort.  I long for a gentle rain to soothe my parched soul.  The Lord comes as that cool breeze when my soul is parched and unyielding.  His touch brings comfort and peace.  He is that gentle rain that waters the dry places in me and brings blessings springing forth, renewed.  

     This summer has been long.  As the summer progressed from the spring rains and the land was green and renewed after the long winter, it became parched, dusty, and hard.  My life at the same time was the same.  In the spring I had a job I loved and was looking forward to it again in the fall but then I was let go.  The summer stretched on parched with no prospects and I thought no direction. As the summer dragged on and got drier, my savings dwindled.  I felt just like the brown grass, dry and brittle, yearning for a drink to soothe.  

     The forecast is calling for relief.  Today it is 92 tomorrow in the 70s.  Relief comes at last from the heat with rain sure to follow to bring relief to those parched grasses and trees.  God is my relief for my soul and all I need to do is pray.  The Psalms bring healing rain to the soul.  The words like gentle drops soothing to read and hear and bringing relief to a dry soul.   Psalm 84 speaks..."O Lord God of host, hear my prayer; Give ear, O God of Jacob! Behold our shield, O God, And look upon the face of Thine Anointed.  For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand elsewhere".  

      I look forward to renewed hope.  As the hot, dry weather of the summer gives way to the cooler breezes of fall, so may my life begin to feel a change too.  My soul begins to drink in God's gentle whispers that things are going to get better.  God whispers that He is in control of the weather and my life. God whispers He is leading me beside still waters and restoring my soul (Ps 23:2-3).   I can rest in knowing He is near.

"O God, restore us, and cause Thy face to shine upon us, and we will be saved." 

Ps. 80:3